Luis Suarez is at it again. The extremely talented Uruguayan striker has bitten off more than he can chew, literally. In an intense game between Uruguay and Italy on Tuesday, Suarez decided to unleash his inner vampire and bite yet another helpless victim. This time the innocent victim, or as Suarez puts it, the “delicious treat,” was defender Giorgio Chiellini of Italy.
In the second half of the World Cup clash, there was a small scuffle between Suarez and Chiellini. At first it looked like a harmless foul, but upon closer review it was revealed that the vampiric Luis Suarez had bitten yet another opponent. This is Suarez’s third biting incident in his soccer (football) career. (See TurnoverSport’s first Suarez-Vampire article here) It is very evident that we must now prepare ourselves for more vampire attacks like this one.
At this rate the blood-sucking Dracula of a soccer player will strike again, and perhaps he will bring out more creatures like himself. This poses a lot of questions for not only FIFA, but also civilization. Can Suarez control his urge to feast on blood? Did he feel threatened by Chiellini because the Italians possibly smelled of pasta and garlic? Is the whole population of Uruguay just vampires? Where is Blade? All we can do is pray that the Uruguayan striker spares us of his violent hunger.
by Danny Dagorn