World Cup Update: USA Beats Portugal!

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We all knew it was coming! Finally, the United States Men’s National Team has accomplished the impossible and advanced in the FIFA World Cup in Brazil. Sunday night, the “Group of Death” didn’t seem so bad when forward Clint Dempsey put in the game winner at the 81st minute of the game against Portugal. It was absolutely incredible.

Now I turned the game off at the 92nd minute, but I’m sure we totally won. There’s literally no way that we could have blown the lead that late into the game.  I can’t believe how great the United States played. The USMNT took advantage of a flawed Portugal side, and exploited every crack in their defense. By the end of the game it looked like Portugal might have a slight chance to snatch a second goal, but I turned the game off because I felt that there was zero chance of us fucking up on the last play of the game.The good ol’ Red, White, and Blue finally have a system in place to win soccer games, and we are on to the next round of the World Cup.

Watching soccer (football) can be so rewarding, and the U.S. Men’s National Team has inspired a nation with their win on Sunday night in Manaus. Now we have to focus on Germany, but after beating Portugal, I’d say that we have a pretty good shot at winning. Good job guys! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

by Danny Dagorn

28 Players Picked For USA Basketball Roster, Selections Make No Sense

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USA Basketball has announced their 28-man pool that will be used for the 2014 World Cup of Basketball and the 2016 Olympics.  After the announcement this morning, basketball fans everywhere have been voicing their frustrations with the roster.  The selections are slightly disappointing to say the least.

Many all-star favorites like Russell Westbrook, Stephen Curry, and Lebron James are on the list.  Other great players like Kevin Durant and Carmelo Anthony have also made the pool.  But, some of the guys selected for Team USA will confuse the fuck out of any basketball fan.  Along with some high-caliber talent, a bunch of strange and unusual players were picked to play.

One of the players selected is actor Rob Schneider from Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, and Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.  Steve Harvey also managed to snag a spot on the roster despite his age and mustache.  Fans were also disappointed with the selection of Randy Jackson, former judge on American Idol, and Danilo Gallinari, a player who is not from the United States and has a torn ACL.  The real surprise came with the selection of George Borsky, a janitor at Lower Merion High School who has chronic knee pain and tendinitis in his ankles.

Keep in mind that some of these players may be cut or replaced before the competitions, but for now here is the current list of United States players as it stands today:

  • Kevin Durant
  • Lebron James
  • Rob Schneider
  • Stephen Curry
  • Kevin Love
  • George Borsky
  • Russell Westbrook
  • Randy Jackson
  • Mo Rocca
  • Danilo Gallinari
  • Carmelo Anthony
  • Bernard Madoff
  • Anthony Bennett
  • DJ Jazzy Phil
  • Steve Harvey
  • Steve Harvey’s Wife
  • Tim Allen
  • Boo (the dog)
  • Alan Rickman
  • Steve Harvey’s Ex-Wife
  • Tiger
  • Orson Welles
  • Dave Matthews
  • James Harden
  • LaMarcus Aldridge
  • Franklin D. Roosevelt
  • Ron Jeremy
  • Blake Griffin

by Danny Dagorn