FIFA: 2026 World Cup To Be Held In Qatar Again

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It was announced today that the 2026 FIFA World Cup will be held in Qatar. The country famous for their rich soccer history, will be granted another World Cup, not long after being awarded the competition in 2022. Every soccer fan around the world cheered and celebrated as humble FIFA President Sepp Blatter made the announcement.

Just as the winning bid was made public, representatives from other inferior soccer countries like Spain, France, Germany, Argentina, Italy, USA, Holland, Belgium, Uruguay, Brazil, Portugal, Chile, Mexico, and England gleefully shook hands with representatives from Qatar, the first country that comes to mind when anybody thinks of soccer.  The representatives from Qatar then jumped for joy as they made their way to the stage to rightfully accept their winning bid.

“I think we can all agree that between the relatively cool climate, the brilliant football legacy, and the completely legal labor practices that will go into the construction of the stadiums, giving Qatar back-to-back World Cups just makes sense.” Blatter stated. FIFA are also looking forward to the 2030 World Cup, where it seems countries like Qatar are favorites to win the bid for soccer’s biggest tournament.

by Danny Dagorn

World Cup Update: USA Beats Portugal!

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We all knew it was coming! Finally, the United States Men’s National Team has accomplished the impossible and advanced in the FIFA World Cup in Brazil. Sunday night, the “Group of Death” didn’t seem so bad when forward Clint Dempsey put in the game winner at the 81st minute of the game against Portugal. It was absolutely incredible.

Now I turned the game off at the 92nd minute, but I’m sure we totally won. There’s literally no way that we could have blown the lead that late into the game.  I can’t believe how great the United States played. The USMNT took advantage of a flawed Portugal side, and exploited every crack in their defense. By the end of the game it looked like Portugal might have a slight chance to snatch a second goal, but I turned the game off because I felt that there was zero chance of us fucking up on the last play of the game.The good ol’ Red, White, and Blue finally have a system in place to win soccer games, and we are on to the next round of the World Cup.

Watching soccer (football) can be so rewarding, and the U.S. Men’s National Team has inspired a nation with their win on Sunday night in Manaus. Now we have to focus on Germany, but after beating Portugal, I’d say that we have a pretty good shot at winning. Good job guys! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

by Danny Dagorn

World Cup Update: Team Australia Forced to Watch ‘Maleficent’ In Hotel Room

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We’re almost one week in and so far it has been a World Cup to remember. There have been upsets (Costa Rica defeating Uruguay), blowout wins (Germany defeating Portugal 4-0), and just about everything in between. One team in particular will have a tough time at the big tournament in Brazil, and not because of football.

The Australian National Football Team were given some horrific news this morning, while preparing for their game against Holland. The team manager, Ange Postecoglou, received a call around 8:00am from the front desk of the Hotel Ilha do Boi, the hotel in Vitoria, Brazil where the team is staying. Apparently the hotel’s cable service was malfunctioning, and the players were not happy about it. ABC, the broadcasting company televising the World Cup this year, heard about the situation and saw a great marketing opportunity. ABC, owned by Disney, really wanted to promote Maleficent while it’s still in theaters, and decided to take advantage of team Australia’s cable situation. With no cable in the hotel rooms, ABC donated 30 Blu-ray players along with 30 copies of Maleficent on Blu-ray to the Australian squad. They also instructed the hotel employees to play the movie on repeat until the end of the World Cup.

Australia now faces two huge obstacles. The first obstacle is to make it to the next round of the World Cup, which will not be easy considering that both Spain and Holland are in their group. The second obstacle is to maintain their sanity while Angelina Jolie’s face continuously projects on every hotel room television screen. Already labeled as underdogs, the Aussies don’t need any more distractions. Being forced to watch Maleficent is a huge distraction. I mean that movie looks really bad.

by Danny Dagorn